dreaming as the summers die

Long had paled that sunny sky:
Echoes fade and memories die.
Autumn frosts have slain July.

Still she haunts me, phantomwise,
Alice moving under skies
Never seen by waking eyes.

This is so frighteningly haunting. I don’t really know why, and I can’t put my finger on it; it’s the last stanza especially, something about the word phantomwise, the thought of Alice moving unseen, in his dreams, under skies, lingering at the forefront of Carroll’s mind, haunting haunting him - perhaps it’s the new understanding I’ve acquired of their relationship, the knowledge that they suddenly broke everything off before Wonderland was published and that he hardly saw her after that, that when they did meet, it was cold and distant - it’s tragic, and terrifying, and I haven’t been able to get the last stanza out of my head since I read it again a few days ago. I can’t imagine living with that sort of pain, with a ghostly phantom in your life, a remnant of your past which you know is never, ever going to go away… it just - sends all these chills down my spine.

These books are creepy. Terry Pratchett has said before that he hates them, that they scared him as a child and made him uncomfortable, and the more I work with them the more I understand why…